Is CONfidence at work just one big CON?

We all experience good and bad days at work — days when everything goes smoothly, even better than expected, and our confidence soars. Then there are the tough days, when nothing goes right, hope fades, and, as Mike Tyson famously put it, “everyone has a plan until they get a punch in the face.” On those days, our confidence can hit rock bottom. The real challenge is picking ourselves up, brushing it off, reminding ourselves that much of what we’re feeling is in our heads, and finding ways to rebuild our confidence anyway. The key is learning how to project confidence, even when we’re falling apart inside. Here are some tips for building your confidence: 

Building Self-esteem 

It’s a bit like strengthening a muscle. When mistakes happen and we feel beaten and catch ourselves thinking, ‘I’m useless,’ ask yourself: is this really true? Remind yourself of all your achievements and accomplishments, no matter how small. Remember the cliché, ‘failure is just feedback’, that needs to ring true. You are learning and growing, especially when mistakes happen. Taking the plunge to try out new things builds confidence. 

An assertive approach 

An assertive approach is about appearing confident even if you don’t feel it. It’s about being able to communicate your ideas without retreating into a passive place, and equally without being overbearing or aggressive. 

Assertive behaviour is based on respect for yourself and others. It means feeling in control and being able to express your needs and opinions. Being clear about your own values and rights will help you. For example: 

• The right to make mistakes – being able to own them and not blame others. 
• The right to express negative feelings appropriately using ‘I’ language (“When you said that, I felt undermined”, not “How dare you undermine me”). 
• The right to say ‘no’ and ‘I don’t know’. 

Reframe your thinking 

An important part of being assertive is to get a grip on our own thinking — the negative inner voice that can so easily disable us. It thinks it’s helping or protecting us, but it’s really disabling us. Try distancing yourself, your inner voice is telling you, ‘You are going to mess this up’, your brain hates a vacuum, so don’t say ‘Don’t think that’, but rather, ‘I’ve done similar things before, I will prepare and do my best’.  

Be aware of the language you use to yourself and reframe your thinking: instead of ‘I can’t stand it! I can’t do it!’ say, ‘If it does not work out, I can do something to fix it’. 

Looking and sounding the part 

We convey powerful messages through our body language, voice tone, and pitch. Research shows that this is often more powerful than the words we are saying: 

• Posture – stand and sit tall, as if there is a string pulling you from the crown of your head. 
• Eye contact – show eye contact when listening and speaking. Hold steady, but don’t stare. 
• Facial expression – try not to look too serious or worried. A relaxed, friendly smile can make all the difference. 
• Appearance – know the dress code for your workplace. Clothes that fit well and are clean signal that you take yourself seriously. 
• Voice – speak with enthusiasm and conviction in your tone of voice, and not too loud or soft (practice reading out loud). 

Building credibility in your workplace 

When you know others have faith in you, your confidence grows, as does your influence: 

• Meetings – they can be daunting, but they are an opportunity to be noticed. Understand why you have been invited to a meeting and prepare. Remain positive and constructive – challenge ideas instead of people. 
• Be organised and be on time. 
• Be accountable, but also prepared to ask for help and raise questions. 
• Be positive — hard to do when things are not going well, but you will show a confident persona if you can find the silver lining in the most difficult of situations. 

Finally, it is important to build resilience by paying attention to your well-being. Allow yourself to take time out for breathing space, interests, family, and friends. Looking after yourself is an important part of building your self-confidence. Most importantly, work on your positive mindset: in the words of Muhammad Ali, “I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was.” 

Chrissie wrote the Speed Read Confidence at Work, which looks at the tools at your disposal in order to be more personally effective and to reinforce your self-esteem at the same time. Take a look here.

DSC also have a course running on confident communication at work, take a look here.