We need to think carefully about how we try to persuade people

Sir Peter Wanless, former chief executive of both the NSPCC and the National Lottery Community Fund, and I record a weekly podcast with the gloriously unimaginative title Debra and Peter are Doing a Podcast. It does exactly what it say on the tin.

In episode 77, we found ourselves talking about Spain winning the World Cup and congratulating our producer, José. (I’ll let you guess where his loyalties lie!)

José then introduced us to the strange and wonderful world of online conspiracy theories. Apparently, Spain hadn’t won because they were the best team. Oh no.

According to some corners of the internet, one theory was that the World Cup had been gifted to Spain in return for the United States gaining access to Spanish military bases. Completely unsubstantiated, entirely bonkers, but also rather fascinating.

Because it raises an important question – why are human beings so good at inventing explanations that simply aren’t true?

The answer, in many cases, is that we have a deep psychological need to believe we are good, decent, sensible people. When we do something that jars with that image of ourselves, it is too difficult for us to handle (psychologists call it cognitive dissonance), so we have to find a way to make ourselves feel better.

So, if I believe I’m an honest person but then tell a lie, I have a problem. Not because of the lie itself, but because it clashes with the story I tell myself about who I am.

Rather than changing my view of myself, I’m far more likely to change the story about the lie.

I didn’t really lie, I was protecting someone, I was under pressure, it wasn’t the right time to tell the truth.

The same thing happens in relationships. “I’m not the sort of person who cheats” sits very awkwardly alongside “I cheated on my partner”.

So, the explanation becomes: I was lonely. We’d drifted apart. I was drunk. We were on a break! (Fans of the sitcom Friends will know this one!) And before long, we genuinely believe our own revised version of events.

This matters far beyond our personal lives. It has profound implications for anyone trying to influence policy, change minds or lead social change.

Once someone has rationalised a decision, presenting them with evidence that they’re wrong often has surprisingly little effect. In fact, it can make them cling to their original position even more tightly.

I saw this play out with my mother-in-law after the Brexit referendum. The Sunday after the vote she was genuinely upset. She told us she’d made a terrible mistake and wished she had not voted in favour of leaving the EU.

A week later she was equally convinced she’d done exactly the right thing.

What had changed? Social media had become full of people declaring that anyone who voted for Brexit was stupid, racist or gullible.

My mother-in-law didn’t recognise herself in any of those descriptions. So, to preserve her sense of herself as a decent, thoughtful person (which indeed she was!), her brain set to work to find reasons why her vote had in fact been the right one.

That’s cognitive dissonance at work.

It’s also why we need to think carefully in our sector about how we go about trying to persuade people.

Whether we’re talking about racism, transphobia, climate change or any other deeply held belief, simply piling on more evidence rarely works if accepting that evidence requires someone to think less well of themselves.

People don’t change because they’ve been cornered. They change when they’re given a safe path towards a different way of seeing the world, without feeling they have to abandon their sense of self.

In order to bring people to our way of thinking we need to do less proving people wrong and more helping them feel good about themselves if they change their view.

Which is not something I find easy to do – I tend to batter folk with facts, which never works.

But armed with the right approach, we can have success in talking people around.

Just don’t mention the World Cup!

P.s On Wednesday 7 October, we will be bringing together charity CEOs, directors, trustees, chairs and future leaders for two days of bold thinking on what it takes to lead and govern well in a challenging world. Learn more here!

This article was originally published on the Third Sector website, take a look here.