From conflict to collaboration: Rethinking boardroom dynamics
Debra Allcock Tyler explores the often unspoken yet pervasive presence of conflict within organisations, particularly among trustees and executive teams.
Conflict within organisations, on boards of trustees and between trustees and the executive team is really common, if often unacknowledged, and can really hamper the work.
The real danger is not conflict that’s openly expressed, because you know what you’re dealing with. It’s the silence of the person who completely disagrees with you but, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to say so. You have to find a way to make conflict feel healthy and hopeful, not horrid and hurtful.
I remember years ago leading a team of people who really did not want me to be leading them and did not agree with any of the actions I proposed. No one ever said anything outright – but it was so clear by the exchange of glances between people, or the slightly snarky remark, or the passive-aggressive tone in an email.
The reality is that it would have been so much more productive if they had spoken out about their discontent. I didn’t handle it well at the time – I ignored it and pretended it wasn’t happening – but now I know better.
So, whether conflict is direct and open, or passively aggressively expressed (the latter, let’s be honest, being more common) there are some tricks to help you deal with it and find a way to move forward constructively.
First: name the pain. To start with, if you notice negative body language, call people out on it. Not aggressively but sympathetically. ‘You seem doubtful about this course of action, Harry. What are you thinking?’ or ‘You look puzzled, Jane, what would help’. People might not respond positively, but by naming what you see (ie their negative body language), you stand a better chance of moving forward.
Don’t pretend everything is fine. When relationships fracture, part of the trust is broken. Acknowledge that it hurts, that people feel vulnerable, maybe ignored or misunderstood. If you skip that step – “We’ll just move on” – the wound festers.
Second: step into the other person’s world. Literally ask, “What’s your biggest worry?” Listen – really listen – not to rebut, but to understand.
Third: reframe the narrative. Conflict is not about “them” vs “us” – it’s about challenges we share, goals we hold in common. You shift from adversaries to collaborators when you make it clear that disagreement is not about the person but about the plan.
Ask people to align rather than agree, as the latter forces resistance because someone has to say they were wrong in order to agree, which, let’s be honest, none of us finds easy to do! Whereas you can have a different view but still align behind the final decision.
Fourth: embed structures that support cooperation. Get into the habit of always setting aside half an hour to review a big piece of work, or a project, or even just a meeting. What helped, what didn’t help. We use the appreciative enquiry method at DSC, also called the Plus Delta method. Delta is a mathematical term meaning change, so we look at what worked and what we would change.
Finally, keep naming the purpose. Return to the vision. Remind everyone of what you’re trying to achieve. When our egos or fears threaten to pull us apart, the vision is what pulls us back together.
Remember that we’re all human and have feelings and histories which can affect how we handle conflict. It’s ok for folk to feel pain, or anger, or frustration in the workplace. It’s not ok to pretend it doesn’t exist. Name the pain, refocus on what you’re trying to achieve and give people a big hug occasionally (with permission, obviously!!)
Join the Conversation at It’s a Battle on the Board – Why Good Governance Matters Conference
If this blog resonated with you, don’t miss DSC’s upcoming online conference, It’s a Battle on the Board – Good Governance Matters, taking place on Thursday 23 October.
Whether you’re a trustee, CEO, or part of a leadership team, this event dives deep into the very challenges explored here, from unspoken conflict and fractured trust to building a culture of openness and alignment. You’ll gain practical tools, real-life insights, and the chance to learn from others who’ve faced similar governance battles and come out stronger.
Because good governance isn’t just about policies and procedures, it’s about people, relationships, and having the courage to face the hard stuff together.
